it's so hard..

indeed, very. its like i have reached this bridge and i dont think i cant move on.

there is so many aspect but i cant balance them all. there aint enough time to do everything. and when you thought that you could somhow depend on someone to help you, you have inevitably distanced yourself. oh is everything causing that huge gaping hole.

and i think to myself - lose it or keep it. would i regret if i lose it. or would i be digging a deepr hole to keep everything running on low fuel and bad engine.

like life isnt complicated enough.

梁文音《我不是你想像那麼勇敢》

its a song that brings many many emotions. the first time i heard "最幸福的事"..i realise that this is exactly what i would feel as i lay in bed and think back the time that past me by. and this strong just struck , with the clever storyline..the punchline..笑容呢？

for many a times, i thought back and wondered what is it about me that could capture those wonderful moments in the past. and i wondered what about me now that i have to be defensive about. sharp replies became my thing. i wish i could laughed it off like in the past.

i went back to sign the papers yesterday. and going back always makes me take deep breaths. the same breaths i took whenever i went for work. the moment i got off the bus..the moment i entered the lift and the moment i took a look around the office. the same overwhelmingness came back.

i went to sign the papers, talk to my colleagues and wandered closer to the back part of the office..and i realise 'memory' just past me by. it how funny present and memory seems to mirror what you expected. i grimace and told my self - screw it.

and so i saw her walked towards the person she least wanted to talk to, or at least that is what it seems. her forced smile telling so many stories behind it. there she was, so vulnerable. and when he looked up and went back to whatever is less important...she pranced out of that sickening area and pretended all is fine.

but i know. i know it aint that simple. despite how much she complains, how much she rolls her eyes and say that she dont give a damm. every time she closes her eyes, she could imagine how much it hurt.

You know how it is when you thought you were at the right place, at the right time? and you look back wondering if it was the right person, the right decision, the right place, the right time?

i heard this wonderful song that i could really use it on a wedding. { Jason Mraz "Lucky" }

what is considered to be your best friend? the best friend you will be marrying. you know so many a times i have heard people telling me that the person they love is also their best friend. and how does that work?

do you best friend make you feel like you need a long long rest? does your best freind makes you feel like there is just a intersaction and each moves on in seperate path?

i cannot picture how things works anymore

I miss u vito

i never expected life to be so short. i mean death has always posed this scary front to me and i hate to hear when ppl pass away. 1 mth ago, i adopted this german shepherd. beyond his ierce exterior, he is the warmest pet anyone ca have. well trained and lways so happy to see people. how his once huge frame has shrunk ( but still very big)..because he was sick. we took him in still.

i always thought dogs were stronger. wont they in kampung times? even if they were sick - there is no vet or so. So when vito is sick and we ran out of digestive meds , we kinda took one day at a time. thinkin we will get it when apil starts - so we can send him to be deticked, get a heart gard procedure for heart worms and..might as well get some medication.

who know that on the night he started puking white vomit - everyone seem to have similar experiences. but it gave them ample time to see the vet the next day. and since clinics were closed. we thought the same. but the next day, he didnt send me out of the gate. he sat there on the grass patch. i went over pat his head and told him"bye vito. wait for me ok?".

i wanted to go for sch and come bac to bring him to the vet.

apaarently by mid mornin, my dad decides to walk him to the vet which is a ten mins walk. but who knew halfway vito collapsed and my dad had to borrow a wheelburrow from the construction site to wheel him home. he called the clinic - tey said the surgeo is in surgery.

not long after, he was determined to come into the house. usually he knew he was supposed to stay on th porch or backyard. not allowed in the house. but he insisted to come in, went to the study and looked for my dad. then he walked out and breathed his last outside the door on the patio.

i miss him alot the holes he dig which i scolded him for. the ffrisbee he insisted on chewin till his gums bled a bit. the tennis ball he so like to bite till its all soggy. we bring him out for walks and the way he chased after cas. the muzzle which i had no opportunity to use. the planned east coast park trip. i miss u . we all do.

Happy new year!

Wow i realised that i actually didnt blog about mybirthday. of cuz it is a quiet-er event compared to the past years. but dosent mean i didnt have fun. Eat buffet, watch show, slacking the rest of the day. My dream date. hahaha!

You know i used to write letters that i open it every borthday and write one letter that night for my nest birthday. i guess once i hit like 18 - i kinda forgot abt the tradition of sort. and right now i just dont wanna keep growing old.

Feeling very happy with the news i recieved from a colleague of mine. of cuz i dun chat with jack on msn, hence when he come finding me on msn - it is to talk about my future plans. and *drumroll* Soon actually ask Jack if i would be a good perosn to go help him with the PUB and Lta projects

And well, jack came to ask me if i am interested considering MM aint taking fresh grads but past IA students. so i guess its a good thing cuz soon mentioned my name first and all..so jack was tellin me that it would be great if i went back. Oh well i submitted resume to LTA alrady - play abit first. hahah

ANother new love of my life - no longe risit selling clothes but organising taobao spree is so so fun!!!! :)

Salsa lessons are going okie - cant wait to really dance on dance floor instead of going " 1,2,3..5.6.7". Disco rock is also not bad. ver easy compared to salsa! and not to mention the teacher's son is pretty cute. didnt see him today though.

FYP arh - haven started. very screwed. did imention i had to redo everything last wk? yes everythign cuz my prof's oversight. it pisses me off with this "oversight" word. i heard it like for the 3rd time in this month...all thanks to nics wonderful shit friends. hur hur.

Happy Boxing Day!

Christmas came and gone! And soon it will be my birthday and soon it will be another year!

I started of 2008 wondering how long it will take for me to get through. i dont like changes - so when i had to start my attachment, i aint very excited. because u have to plan your outfits and shoes and bags and blah blah. but IA flew past even faster - and me loving every minute of it.

then it was time back to school - where most of us was looking forward to it. but this semester - everything seemed different. no longer its the 8 of us hanging around - more like half the clique around all the time. all because of FYP. luckily me and june got the easiest FYP i think. Oh and another reason why this semester is not as great as i expected? cuz the damm canteen closed down and replaced with expensive disgusting food. I dont mind expensive food you know. i can have like $6 meal everyday but no when it sucks. and not to mention the food court is air con to the point that i dont there to walk in cuz i come out smelling like oil fumes.

Burberry + cooking oil = DONT MIX!

Then the exams came and gone - like really sian when i saw the surfce water paper. the appendix is equal to rubbish cuz it did nuthin to help us with the question. last yr on the other hand was diff, appendix was there to help solve the questions! *argh* 29th will be exam release date - prays very hard!

then i discovered taobao. i mean i knew of taobao long ago but i couldnt figure out how to buy until i got to know of this agent who charges a relatively low rate that every other spree - and i have been hooked on it since. its like a online Zhuhai la. hahah

Xmas came - and it was real quiet compared to any other year i had. i have been to orchard to justle with the crowds, i have been to nice nice hotel for xmas dinner and xmas parties - but this year nic and i went to church on xmas eve and xmas day. the other parts of the 24/25 was spent at home with my family. he cooked for all of us! oh yes, that is something he can do and something i cannot. So to MT - when he tells u how to bake cake...i think he is not playing around. hahah And so i woke up like 9am in the morning (unearthly hr pls), we went to the market and shop for like 3 items. dont understand why cant we go supermarket. but oh well he is the cook, i just tag along. after 2.5 hrs in the kitchen, our xmas lunch was ready! not for me or him, but for the entire family. hmm and what i was doing during the 2.5 hrs - taobao-ing! =x

Had a xmas party with my clique at ben's house..which was food and Little Nonya on TV haha! after that one of my frens gf actually ordered himt o go back - so everythign ended quite abruptly la. my secret santa in the clique gave me 3 pairs of earrings! lol! then followed by meeting with yang - hung out till 2plus in the morning. half dead for tut next day.

my tutee bought me 20 bucks worth of chocs! haha! or that is what she say. hahah quite sweet - gave me a card saying how much she loves to have me teaching her. of cuz la we chat like 50% of the time. haha then i saw her in church later that day. hahah! Nic keep saying why i keep chatting with students and not teaching. becuz i am not responsible wad cannot arh!!!

nic left for malacca this morning and wont be back till my birthday. So i have decided that i should spend one day before his return to do my nails and maybe my hair. yeah kinda sian with having to blow stright every morning. might as well go straighten. hahah so this will bring up to close to $150 worth of stuff in 1 day. but fret not becuz my dear boy has given me my bday pressie before he left fo his soccer camp. cold hard cash! hahahah i mean its more like a funds transfer la - but its the same! $300 may not be alot and in fact less than what he gave me for my 21st - but i gues better than nothin la! :) thank u my dear pig!

Erh now that reminds me i haven gotten his xmas gift. who knows where to buy memory pillow? yeah weirdly he loves a good pillow more than anything. haha i wanna get it from taobao but i think he will prob wrinkle his nose is distaste haha

So since i set one day for self pampering, another day will be to salsa! still learning baby steps - and very scared by the actual salsa. looks complicated and skimpy outfits. sheesh! oh then i also have another inter clique party to attend. you know the thing with inter clique party is that will be really spread out and chat with everyone else? Hmmm...

today will be FYP day! haven started anything where i left off many days ago. JIALAT!

Its all about post exams!

its hard to imagine that i am left with 1 more round of examinations for the final semester. I had so much planned this december - wanting to go back to work, to once again relive the excitement of going to work. but i didnt. deep down i know its all because of what i did. but i told myself that it shouldnt have rendered that kind of cold stupid response. maybe like cris says, no matter what, i will forgive and forget and just carry on as usual. i admit so - that is if the infatuation haven worn off. and so he once told me that i should plan on how i wanna celebrate my bday and etc...i look at the way things are right now..haha

went for skirmish ops briefing yesterday and i am amazed that i was the only girl around. and guess wad is my team's name? Wild hogs! you think its funny, wait till u check our the other ENE counterparts - wild pigs and wild porks. the other participants was guffling out loud. PT4 came and it was damm funny cuz ben asked him for his name - gosh, he must have been felt damm sad cuz he say he know all of our names. was explaining to my bro on how his name came about. PT4= Beatles= his hairstyle. he reminds me more of aaron anyway.

woke up with fingers boring into my palm. you knwo how is it when u have really bad dreams - whereby you have so much emotions gushing through you? yeah and woke up in cold sweat. i remmeber my bro and i looking down the stairways, as if peeping...nic and some viet girl was fooling around in the living room. good ness gracious. hahaha bet it got influenced by this book.

nic passed me this book called "lucy in the sky" and it was abt this girl lucy who recieved news that her bf is cheating on her and she got so pissed cuz that guy seem to cover her tracks to well - but not the slut who smsed her. so anyway she displayed this personality that is totally ME! how she loves to dig through racks of past season of clothes to find the one she bought before discount even if it makes her feel pissed..and so many itty gritty details that makes her a worry wreck. that is wad i am worry wreck.

the whole hostel and me thing just never fails to set me off. sometimes i just wonder maybe a easier solution is out there.

FYP ball has started rolling. written report due end of decemeber!!!!! ARGH!

bullshit.

u are just a fuckload of bullshit.

was blog hopping and you will be very amazed at how much ppl do love each other. i mean are you sure? are you sure u love him or u are just in love with the idea of love? i reckon the latter. these few days just became this mist of uncertainty. i settled into this new routine that didnt include him. not in the things i do, the things i talk about and the people i think of. it is once again this time again in my life. there was once that someone told me i was committment phobic..committment phobic is when you cant get married isnt it? everytime in between every stage i always made sure there will be someone to take over - not one time i would have a empty gap in betwwen. i know~ it is not the best way to handle. but..i thought about it the whole night. switched my phone off. lay in bed and thought.can i really carrying on this way?half guilty half smirking because its fun to live my life like this. but when i am home everything becomes back to normal. settling into the life of hacing someone far far uber far away. i woke up in the mornin saw the msgs and i really hate to reply. i hate to think of what to reply. ihate to even think that i have to reply something that is not wad i am thinkin. it sucks.

Idiom magic

Its the usual act of booking tickets online - and when i looked at the option to choose popcorn combo, i stopped.

i stopped because it made me smile. I stopped because it was such a small act but yet, it can make me think over it for weeks.

today oml was teaching me this new chinese idiom - about how you can climb the mountain many times and one day you will see the tiger.

i mean of cuz i know that but...i never go think about it so much.

i see it as repairing the gaping hole in my life. without doing anything against the rules. i am fine.

My closure

And you think that things will never surprise you. i honestly hate surprises. pretty much any one knows i am not a big fan of them. i never like unexpected events much less appreciate them. No i would not squeal in joy or rush into somebody arms to give a huge sloppy kiss. its so not me.

and so when the elast expected thing happened. i was at loss. ther ei was sitting right in front of my computer. the least expected name came up, the least expected dialogues came up. my response to it was pure....spechless. no response just as yet. and i ran down and seeked teh person whose advice i seeked the most..and i still cannot figure out what is this that is happening.

if my life was a movie, the sudience might just go "...." - nothing. but for me and my poor jittery heart, it was everything. it was verythingi asked for, prayed for even. and sooner of later, the flicker of hope just extinguished and i never looked back. Maybe once in a while, while i am driving, images just flashd through my brain. and i feel this sudden pang. but other than that - pretty much i got used to it. and now, i am just at total loss.

i trusted my instinct and of cuz that of my valuable buddy's advice and seeked closure. it aint easy lookin the time strike the designated hour. it aint easy to keep your nerves in check when u are approaching your destination. it aint easy. so what do u do? inhale and exhale and try very hard not to trip.

i didnt get the answer i wanted. but at least i could fall asleep every night with peace. and that my friends, i call it closure.

Army wives

been having a hard time getting sleep lately. over reasons no one iwll understand. over reason that people brush off with a simple "heck care lar". i cannot because to me, the time i put in in building the so called seamless friendship just became ashes and dusts. was it a mistake on my part or was it just something that happened prematurely. it didnt make sense if i could just asked opinions from the people around me because it conflicts to what i already have. i didnt want somethin more, i just wanted something different. i thought i made a difference, i thouht i reached out to something people couldnt, i thought i succeeded. not for long.

and so i toss and turn every night because i couldnt fit the pieces of the puzzle perfectly. i couldnt ask what went wrong. i could only speculate. speculation drives people insane ya know? i tried again and again thinking things has blown over, but i failed. i got silence on the other end.

maybe it was meant to be this way. by having this, i no longer bother to keep up online till late in the morning, smiling to bed. i could pay more attention to where i suppose to pay attention instead of neglecting who really is important. but me being me, i cannot take it lying down. why must it end this way? it might not have ended literally, but to me..it might as well have.

am watching this new serial "army wives". revolves around this 4 women and 1 men whose spouses serves the US army, fighting wars. they live in army bases with the other army wives or husbands. (yes some wives are the one serving in the army). the pain they go thru when a choppers falls to the ground, bombings - you dont know if your husband/wife survives. would it be the "green uniformed men" knocking on your door breaking the bad news to you? or.....

school is starting next monday and... am glad. but for a moment i will stop and think of post graduation. he once told me that my reason for wanting to go back to work is not because of the people there. at that time, i shook my head and lauhed it off. but now, lookin at the bleak situtation - shld i be going back? can i just sit for lunch with him being all quiet and voiding eye contact? can i walk past his table and not stop to chat? i cant.

The Square Root of 3

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

~Dave Feinberg

whoever says maths nerd aint cool?

the things u learn..

第一行诗的狂妄
第一首歌的难忘
第一次吻你的唇 你的倔强
第一颗流星灿烂
第一个天真愿望
第一个诺言 美丽的荒唐

你教我爱的善良 你教我恨的野蛮
你教我忘记 该忘伤心太伤
那些你教我的事 让思念更苦更长
只想问 想念的 想念的
想念的你 怎么样

爱情是信仰或只能是旅途风光
那女孩带我漫游一次天堂
你教我怎么爱上
却没教怎么遗忘
让我的阳光都变成了泪光


its true isnt it? as you advance on in life, you look back at yourself and what passed u by. and you think to yourself, why am i what i am - different?

because of the ppl that come and go in your life. there was this point in life when someone jerked me and said i have changed. and i did because of the pessimsm surrounding. right now, maybe i have already chnaged to be more optimistic. but it made me a harder person. i cannot take weakness, laziness or anything less than perfect.

was telling juan that its mor elike a double standard. the high expections now and the asy going one in the past. but i have been thru shit and i just wanna be happier. and make sure i stay this way...

how many parts can a heart be compartmentalised into?

i think alcohool makes ppl do stupid things does it? or at least thats the excuse i can come up with. finding excuses to justify several actions instead of wrecking my mind of the many "what ifs..." and "could it be...". replaying the scenes over in my head and deem in inconclusive.

i learnt about culture and all that during th eintersem - and i am beginning to see how culture may play a part in issues surrounding your everyday life.

i hope one day when i look back, these are just experiences that create fluctuating joy in my life. :)

been spending my time online for almost every single day. and there is not defined goal for what am i doing so? you asked and i would have pondered deep and ...exhaled.

one o my fren has recently broken up and it leaves me very very unsettling. hate thou for hating my fren. and i just cant get it off my chest! it bugs mein th emorning, in the noon and all through the night. seriously, its like a wreckage that shouldnt have been.

intersem really tires me out and not to mention grosses me out too. its a touchy subject and reason so i shall not dwell further.

really having this bad migraine but due to some reason, i am still online. and thanks Juan for your comments! :) hahah!!!

Expired

had ice cream, mos burger and a long walk back home. with someone who is at the same 'place' as me. and we begin talking and realise that somehow we are all similar. not for the best reasons but we are. sadly.

i never feared confrontation. but i hated spite. i hate to be threatened. i told juan that somehow i think my expiry date is up. and when someone thinks that i can be spite at, you are so wrong. its always around this time of the year, someone popping up all of a sudden and you felt like you had to make a decision. but many a times i dont. things just happen in such a way that evrything plans out really great for me. and i can feel it coming. i can. really. and i do not have to do a thing. its a double edged sword really. because does it means the next time round will be better. i think it will.

its just sucks basically thinking to yourself that, hey! this time will be different. nah~ its all the same. they are all the same. ill always be the same.

my ttachment is really ending soon. and it saddens me because i went thru a huge change and now i have to adjust back. vince says he will write a letter for me to continue my IA and not go for intersem. very very tempting really. but these few days i just dread it. i dont want to turn my head and scowl because i see a scene i dont like. i dont want to feel very happy within that 3 seconds and down after that.

was chatting and juan says she wish to have someone to admire about. yeah thats always the best time isnt it? my best bud is seeign someone recently and i am very happy for him. no matter or not if he is going to get attached, i am still happy nonetheless. even if that means ill have one less person to comfort me when i am down. sigh. i am looking forward to end of next week. what will i get?

seeign double

the feeling sucks. how is it that you can just go through everything thinking about the same thing and yet you know that it is wrong. so so wrong. as much as i try to shut my eyes and let my thoughts shift to something that i should be thinking of..it wanders back.
it is so bad until you play the songs over and over again. every songs then holds the same meaning. different lyrics- same meaning. so so blind.

Time flies and it has been almost 6 months up since i started work. and soon, will leave. busy finding out what gifts i can give to my colleagues. i dont relaly like small useless gift becuz there is no impact. am thinking of making parker engraved pen for the higher up ones..and proobably personalised notebooks for the rest.

for what? i dunno. i like things to be such a way whereby i can step off gracefully.

i told qing i wanna extend my attachment. not for the proudest of reasons but in any case, it might also work towards my post graduation...

sigh seriosuly going nuts.

how to ppl lead a double life? much less have a double mind?

Shhh...its a Secret

Ever since i started working here, the faults of the human heart showed through clear. All the pettiness no longer exist just in High school...but much more so in the working world. not that i minded - i like peace and quiet and of cuz, slacking. but its ok its not as if i will be here for long. they are still a nice bunch, getting me tea breaks and make tea for me. but probably jsut that since i am on such good terms with my manager..its best not having me hanging around during their lunch. And the guys - once they saw me and smirked " ooo you buying lunch ar?" i was so tempted to retort "fk off and shuddup". Harsh i know but sometimes..

Met up with the girls last night after RCIA. i guess this is what we call girl talk emergency. When i saw her crying her eys out, it saddens you. It makes you wonder why some people exist. Is love blind? Or its just that some people still believe only in love. Dont other practical stuff matters?

Was staying in and watching a Jay Chou Movie : Secret. and yes, its a great movie. as...unlogical as it might be. it makes you happy when he is so sweet. it makes you sad when he tried to play so hard to finish the time-transporting piece till he bled. but yes it proves - true love exist.. in movies.

Work...and work..and never stopping..

I realise that i have so caught up in everything that i have not noticed something. I did not realise that someone is going away. overseas what more. and its only when i strted to work up the new link list then i realise. but oh well, things do change dont they? and of course, you carry on your life...and just like that.

A couple of days back i went to a Wenjuan's birthday! its fun - to once again meet up with old pals. chatting with the babes and just gossiping like nobady business. of cuz, not as gossipy and bitchy like with the Uni babes, but still happy to be there. 21st birthday - a happy day for everyone. the age you strike freedom, have a key to whatever whatever (cliche yes i know). And i put in alot alot of effort to plan mine and hope it work out well.

I would love to post up pictures. but somehow people are so into putting flash (which makes u look pasty)and there are lots of me making weird faces, ill probably hid them back into my computer. so..yeah. leave it there.

Seen yvonne a couple of times but never really talked to her since the incident with kevin. But i realised something changed in her. She looks so radiant and happy. and i was not wrong - she has a new guy in her life.

A good friend of mine on another occasion - the same thing. the same sob story, the same being let down...and sometimes i wonder. If its not now, would it be later. is there no perfect person. if there is, would he continue the way he is right now?

you can many many shows, make comments about many mnay issues in the story plot: laugh at stupid love gesture, stupid decisions or even stupid women you rolled your eyes at. but when the exact same thing happened to you - would you do the same?

i never could tolerate a slip in a guy's character and i never believed in the phrase "men change after a while. they treat you nice, and after a while, they slip.". I used to think i was strict with such beliefs. but after a while, i see the people around me and i wonder. Isit because you make excuses for them?

And so i tell you my friend - that maybe it hurts. maybe it tears you apart. but hold on. because the more you give in, the further he will drift. because if he cares, all these wont happen after all.

Some friends look at me in awe when i told them them what happen with the anniversary present. I felt bad - i do. but i know, if i dont do that. i will never make my stand. If i never let him know that i am capable of doing that extent, he will just thought that by making stupid comments, i will take it down. I wont. and hence, you lose. i dont win but at least...

Been catching up on Will and Grace- yes i know, months down the road and i am still hooked on it. :) its nice.

Nich is away on soccer training trip and...funnily, i do check the NUS Soccer Blog. My friends say i just cant trust someone fully can i? I could. but i need proof. call me logical, call me practical - but sometimes love cant just be an emotional thing.

So o so overdues

It has been ages since i last updated. Effectively 1 month or so.

Apart from school work piling up, couple of tests came and gone, i just got hooked on so many things.

There is Will and Grace - right after Sex and the city

There is Facebook

There is the one abt bitching everyone else.

Hahah alright the last one is not so much.

I love Will and Grace that show, its liek the usual gay guy meets girl story. Throw in a rich spoilt brat and another missy man, who resembles soemone i know! Hahah.

Facebook - petting other ppl's pet. Feeding 'em, and well just about what u do on friendster. just a bit more entertaining. U can get hooked if you want. But i guess the bubble fizzle dout on me.

My clique is mostly going for GIP. Except the girls. And so we gotta stick together for next semester. And along all the topics we covered- qing's bf is going off to Australia. and hence all the mention about LDR. it aint easy. Or so i thought now. I used tothink that NOTHING can change even though u are physically away. So wrong. But i told her that of course there are exceptions.

Her bf is so great- according to my standards that is. He fufils the typical "i dote on you" criteria and just makes qing feels lik the queen of the world. materialistic or not, its subjective.

Gave meiting her bday present but havent heard from her yet. Its like i wonder if she even knew i made that necklace specially for her. Ohwell, if she didnt appreciate then never mind. bloody exp it was. hahaha

Recess is next week and i realise i haven been to a single thurday at all. except once i think. did i? dont remmber.

Went to St Theresa for Works of Mercy. And well, i was the Bingo girl. Will go for the next 2 weeks!!! :)

the thing qith a pearl thong

I think is is like a sense of deja vu. How i used to frown with worry, getting all pissed off for a msg that came too late. And how i used to complain to my girls that i cant take it down anymore. I cant just sit around waiting for a 'customery' or 'habitual' message.

I used to remmebr sweating over it and thinking lots of horrible thoughts before i get my desired reply. Just like Samantha in Sex and the city - which i watched the whole of last night- how she ran 11 floors with her 11 inches high heels and a pearl thong somewhere, to catch the cheating Richard in the hotel suite. Only to find him being really in the middle of a conference. She 'all in' her pearl thong, he multi-carat yellow diamond ring and possible many hotel suites. She was just sick and tired of having to worry about Richard, possible screwing someone else.

today it was just like that. wondering - was it a case of oversleeping or was it just another case of 'getting out of the habit'.

had a chat with someone i least expected to be chatting over a few days back. and it was a well pleasant and abit unpleasant surprise. With all that chat - not from my side- about looking into the future, getting over it, having God sent eyes to not look back...etc. I cant help but stare at the conversation screen thinking - what the hell?

Logged off right smack in the middle of an ongoing sermon on 'how i regret blah blah blah'...

And then the next morning, i recieved the remaining offline msgs.

"Just tell him you got over him already! " Wise words of my trusted best bud. Oh yeah, why didnt i think of that? I did! but i preferred not to say anything but end it off, right smacked in the middle, 'i gtg.'.

Its irritatingly...i cant find a word for it. Its just unbelievable! whats with all that crap? Would the truth give a worse backlash? Oh please, i got over you way before we even broke up. Everyone knows that. Everyone that aint in australia knows that.

Its just pisses me off. really.

It was a week with no work, 1 appending wedding and a funeral.

My Uncle passed away recently over the weekend and for the first ffew days of the week it was his wake. Entered his huge house, well decorated and the coffin in the living room.
I sat there looking at it, looking at his children - i realise i am really afraid of death. Not that it was a recent thought, i had that worry since i was...primary 1 i suppose? Remmbering that i would run to find my mum while watcing tv and jump around shuddering. It still happens- excluding the jumping around. Just shuddered.

Catching up on my Sex and the city these few nights. And there are so many many thoughts everytime Carrie quoted something. Hmm.

Preparing for Nic's birthday this sunday! Arhh and i realise MPH close down on the day i wanna get some art supplies! Damm! but dawn is clever and resourceful! Hahaha!!!

Tried painting my nails while adding princessy designs on it. Veri Veri nice!!! :)

Went to open 2 more accounts. Felt like putting my money here and there so i wont spend it. lolx. and of cuz, the need to open a Paypal Account plus all the ebay stuff....blahhh

Lurve the 9pm show. Dawn is just a sucker for all things...Army. Tay Peng Hui -- AWWwwww! He is so dashing. but he looks old-er. Looks weird lusting over felicia chin. Sigh. Some ppl has all the luck!

Next week is Justins and Annas Wedding. Finally!!! After knowing them for months - i am invited. lOlx. love weddings. I planned mine. Hahah!

A week - lots of things done. Lots of thing not done also. Haha

Cheers - will update after nich's bday.

Birthday planning!

I know i know, its almost half a year away. but dont be surprised, you have to book this early. No joke, Especially when your birthday falls on New Year's Eve's Eve. Haha!

Checked out cruise party, cost me like almost $2000 just renting the place. [strike off]
Check out National Musuem, cost like almost$1000 too. Without food mind you. [strike off]

*pouts* whyyyyy.....................

Then i stumbled on this wedding site which share all about wedding and stuff. Wah so so many things to know.

Well of course i know being a Cathlolic means engagement encouter courses, marriage prep courses and retreats and luckily the churhc actually have wedding coordinators for you! My friend Jessica is one very good example! Anna & Justin's wedding is handled by her.

But then there is the chinese custom part- how much is the pin4jin1. One BTB (bride to be) said that her mum asked for $30K worth of it. And another rebutted saying it too much, since her own mum asked only for $200. What a great difference.

I am sliding more towards the former price. =X I mean, the parents is 'giving away' their daughter, isnt $200 as much as a piece of abalone?

And there was this girl who mentioned that she is very unhappy cuz her husband's side neve rpay for the wedding and end up is the Bride paying for most. and my dear future bridesmaid think that it is perfectly okay to do so, when i lament to her about it.

NO IT IS NOT!

I remmber reading this book about how " if you are unhappy in the bridal gown, you will never have a happy marriage". Wouldnt you want to have a wedding you know its beautifully planned? I mean i always thought the rold of a bride is to plan, and the role of the groom to finanace it?

And then, scrolling down, many other brides said that yes, the groom side paid for the whole wedding. dosent that prove my point already?

Oh well.

I am so old

Kids nowadays are just so funny. Jy's spammer come spam on my blog. or so they say. Spamming is like 100tags. That guy only left 1 tag. lol!
XY being JY sister, was of course mad and left a not very polite post. Hmm if it was me, what would i do?
ten years back , probably ill be the same, throwing an occasional f*word to show how pissed i am. 10 years later, ill probably go to my tagboard control panel and delete his name. OR, write down his ip address and threaten to call the police! Yup that guy is so dumb. IP address!? Hello, has he not thought of that?
Goign to celebrate Wendy's bday next monday at clarke quay! Arh i hope not Fish Market again, quite not nice. Photo quality there also not pretty. Lolx. I foudn this amzingly cool jewellery making worktop. LoLx. now ppl even come up with this kinda thing. Mobile & portable and able to store all your supplies and tools. Hope she dont have somethig like that yet. Otherwise there goes the present! Anyway that seller say she is the only dealer in Sg. Arhhh..exclusivity! :)
Going for lunch le. And yes, today i did exercise. I walked to work + the help of a bus. Damm, the day without a car sucks. i was practically dripping prespiration. But surprisingly, with or without car, the transport time is the same. But hey MrBlack, i did walk!!!! LoLx

Sex & The City Quotes

Carrie: "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. "

It just kinda fits so well into every thoughts that goes through every one's mind. stop self denying. Its so true.

Found it? Good for you!

Weekend....

Started work last thurs - and 2 days into m job, i love the availability of a omputer and my own computer but not so muchof my colleagues, or rather my bosses. Sigh, everyone just wanna protect their own arses.

spent friday night and way into saturaday morning @ settlers katong. feelin kinda pissed in the begining when i missed out the starting of the game and ihad to sit outand wait for them to finish. nt to mention i broke my perfectly maicured thumb-nail. @#%^^$@ there goes the other 9 fingers because i cant just go out with a strange thumb.

was talking to GY about how the other time was an incident and he was in no right to make sacarstic comments to nich. but ooh welll, i realised its not his fault, not nich...it just happens to be alvin's. but in a way, maybe it isnt. Hmmm. imagine i didnt go for the settlers outin, iwould never have gotten my point across. SOmetimes, i just wonder how is it that they reckon hardworking=pure torture. Oh please.

watched 'Transformers' on sat night and it as breath-takingly wonderful! arghh! imagine i had a guardian of my own. i pat my dear ol'e car and hopes he unfolds into a big robot.

nothing happened hmm.

P.r bought 2 other guys along and oh, none of them was her bf. hmm, 10 of us was placed in a 4-4-2 posiiton and so, i was sitting nect to hT & wj. arh...realised throughout the whole movie, they werent even sittin close, neither were they holding hands etc. It ust felt...weird and relieved at the same time.

Them other time, alvin said they were together as a part of a commitment, not so much of love. is that even possible? if there aint no love, shldnt a couple just go their seperate ways? I dunno. cant call myseld a gd example of commitment. not that i was a phobic, mind u. :)

was in RCIA this morning and we were somehow on this topic of marriage. oh yeah, i recalled, cuz the announcement of the Wedding Anniversary Mass was comin up. And anyway, Christina was sharing about how sometimes James and her always irritated each other to no end. Like last night, she was nagging at him non stop on their way to a function and ended up missin a turn and was even later. not too good. She and him was always saying that 'is it is not for God, i would have left u'. which is why she say the role of God is very important in her 20yrs of marriage. the 'death till us part' vow holds them together till the end. Jessica, being involved in the Catholic Life Society that has our engagment/mariage/family planning/giving birth all planned out, has seen it all. Prep couples for marriages...and like what our catholic law says: We cannot get a divorce. Never. Jessica says that really it aint easy, other quarels, tempers, etc...

Many a times, people always questioned my need of having my future husband sharing the same religion. i think it bsolutely necessary because apart from the fact that we can have a church wedding, we will spend our sundays together, have our kids baptised ith beautiful christian names...we woulld be less prone to quarrel.

I dunno why...but it is so true. Everytime i flare up, or make irritatingly unreaosnable comments, loud tempers...i happen to consolidate them all in church. and i tell myself and prays to Him and says "please let me not do that again". and try to make up for it. although i knwo it might not seem obvious, but i do! really! :)

Typing this entire entry [painstakingly] on my laptop. What? Yes, a laptop!!! i just got it yesterday. Hur hur! can watch my Sex and the City [Season 1-6] right here. Haha!

Welcome back!

Hi all!! Me is baack! :) from the land of shopping, massaging, hairwashing, maicuring! Haha.
First time at budget terminal, arghh was late cuz travel all teh way to airpor den realise - Shucks forgot my contact lense solution, my specs and my dear toothbrush!!!! Went all the way back. but one thing i notices - budget terminal is really small. but pretty! :) We exchanged info abt how much SGD we exchanged. i changed like 200SGD. ML only changed 100SGD, saying that he has no idea whats there to buy. Hahaha. Wrong, so wrong!

Early morning before take off! - having a cup of O'briens hot choc! :) Yummers. and ate half a ham/cheddar sandwhich. Took half up the plane in my handcarry cuz apparently budget planes dont serve food. :(

*grins* look at the tiny space between the seats!!! inconsiderate ah peks who hasnt sat on planes before ( i reckon) keep nudging us. Liek what yang says "gd thign not cheap, cheap things not gd". Motto for that period which stops us from wanting to scream at them.

The bautiful sky as we fly across...asia? lol. wont really know about that. Hahah. the clouds are beautiful i think. and yeah, the perks of a window seat.

Hotel Fortune - the place where we will reside. Soem has no towels. Some has lik no cupboard (me!!! ) and some has liek super huge rooms (qj & yang). :) Hmm and yeah he walls are so thin, that u can hear people doing it early in the morning. i have never been so traumatied waking up with ppl banging on my wall making horrible noises. :( i got so scared i went across the hallway and woke the guys up. and in the hallway it was worse, the noises was echoing in the corridor. she sounded more like she was in great pain. =/ yang got so excited - haha dont htink any one ever hear these kinda stuff in real life. yeah! *shudder*

Dinner at the hotel restaurants. and their food is like @#@$%#^ yup! but i wonder why so many people (cheena ppl) likes it. Bleahhh. Their cook can just liek go home and then the manager will coem and say " o this dish cant serve cuz the cook went back" -_-" den there was NO RICE. cant u believe it!!!! but the lighting is good- i forgive them. lolx

After dinner, we went for hair wash. lol! It is like darn shiok. u pay them peanuts but they give u 1 hour of wash and blow. plus massage. wow. 1 hour ok! in Sg - wash and blow max 20 mins. and the price is like less than a quarter of what in Sg charges. then after wash & blow - its foot massage. lol u knwo how in those Hk/China shows where traid leaders go to those Classic Spa with posh lighting and everything? Haha thats how it is. So grand lar! but the price (once again i dare emphasize) is super cheap. the seats are huge comfy ones with individual TV!!! and super many channels. 1 hour of pure joy. 6 of us just sat down and enjoyed.

Ajisen - how much does it cost to at in Sg? Hmm a good $30 to $40 for 2 the most? and what u get? 1 main and 1 side. We step into Ajisen, and it look wayyy bigger. Apart from the perils of passive smoking, everythign was A-ok. their menu is way expanded by the way.

their Ajisen fried tofu and beef thingie. lol! Shoo shiok! we ordered like 6 or 7 side dishes. and everyone one ramen. OMG! each person split and end up paing less than $8 sing dollars! I'lll never look at Ajisen again. - i mean in the same way.

Dim sum Breakfast for the second day! Wha..really Sg cannot beat.the real deal. and how much was it in all? less than $10. Eveeryone happy happy. the prawns is like oh-so-juicy.


My manicure product. Haha. YX and i went to do our nails - fulls et.. both toes and fingers. all for SGD $20. in Sg, you want people to draw tediously on your fingers? Be prep to pay close to a hundred. No joke! While we did nails, the guys went for facial. 2 ful hours of pamperig.

Look at the stuff we have. ML who say that 100 SGD is enough, spent way beyond that. Acc to him, he bought like 12 tops. not to mention 6 shoes, a couple of bottoms, 2 bags etc. LoLx. all in the psan of 2 and a half days- in a single shoppign centre! And to be honest, we all admit its really big. My dad says there is prob like a thousand shops. impossible to finish shoping in there. and the stuff there are liek wayyy cheaper ok! the clothes i sell on my blogshop, they sell it like 20% of the price.Argh if only i could have the time and luggage space to buy the stocks back to sell. Sigh.

I spent like $250 and gotten myself about 6 pair of earrings, 5 tops, 1 Suspenders dress, 1 skirt, 1 chiffon dress, 2 pair of shoes, 4 bags and 3 wallets!!!!!! SO CHEAP! and oh yeah, 5 different DVD box sets. i have the full set of and it cost like $12 bucks. 6 seasons!!! so cheap. OMGosh. ML and yang says that well, Far east and Queenstown is now a joke. Cuz we realise where they get their stuff and now, their things in Sg seems wayyy exp!!

Look at our stuff! Last minute packing, trying to squeeze all our stuff in! We came with less than 3kg of stuff. Now? lol. the max is my mums fren - 36kg at check in! lol! She brought 3000SGD and finish it all! Hahah. everyoen bought extra luggage otherwise nt enough. So u can see the mess wecreated. Shoes all thrown into the luggage without boxes- poor housekeepin have to clean it up.

Sands Casino- the guy that is taking over marina bay! Its a beautiful sight at night

the check point. waiting to go into Macau Airport. Hmm. Tired by that time. sufferign from fatigue le. :(



thats us - last meal before we leave for singpaore. the land of expensive stuff. lol! thats my mum waving at the self timerr camera! Lolx oh yea, back tot the restaurant with sucky food. alas, yet u cna see looong queues outside. we are hotel guest so we can sit in immed. But why the queue sia?!

Ahh so happy. :) lotsa stuff!

Countdown : 1 day

Yay! tmr is th elast day of work and i am 2 days away from flying off!!! :) *huge grins*

I must take lots of photos. cuz lotsa bdays coming up and i need their faces. lol!

My newest student is one of the monister's son and well well, how do i know it?

CUZ HE ANNOUNCES IT AT LEAST 5 TIMES A DAY

spare me ba. like i bother. but come to think of it - i do. cuz that particular ministry is what my degree is based on. Hahahah!!!!

But still..., oh yeah, soem new guy is hired as the centre manager andhe relaly creeps me out!!!!

Actually wanted to post pics from MQ bday (esp one mug shot), but i am plain lazee. back to bed!

so weird. and there i was browsing hru the profiles and there i ended up. and there i read the testimonal. and there i tot. what would things be like now?

no one knows...

alvine asked a thought provoking qtn today and suddenly eveyroen was like "hmm...".

does a relatioship start of with a choice or feeling

i always tot it was choice, den feeling. becuz feeling fades. but expectation dosent let me down.

and now it is liek what is happening between wj n ht. they are tog becuz a choice was made- that they stay together. many times i did not becuz i made a choice not to. and vowed- ill be better off.

i am of cuz right now. but what if, liek th emany ppl around me, that they always hope for somethign better. to me, i cant give good advice. becuz if placed on my plate, why bother. No appreciation, den never again am i doign anythign for you. Hmm. but thats the diff.

all about 21st...

Yesterday was MQ 21st birthday!! and i took off from work- more or less MC la. haha Asked jeslyn to take over my class for me. So i spent my no pay day going for mani and pedi! wanted rainbow nails- but apparantly sarah say the cheapest she can charge me is about 7 per nail. which will add up to hundred plus. *coughs* Just settle for silver french. And looks okay...not as good as sarah tried to convince me. But lurve the toes with the butterflies. and sarah says " ur fave singer is mariah carey ar?" Stunned!!!!!! a manicurist that i seldom tok to abt my music liking actually can tell. haha.

So after which went for facial..and hmm just slept. so pretty groggy about what went on. But it was worth it lar. i need my rest. :)

Meiting called to ask me to give her a lift to Aranda- aHhh i KNEW IT! that harris couldnt make it last min. Haha. *sighhhh* thats why i say girls and guys are different. i dunno why. But after mixing so logn with yang and co., its like there hasnt been a moment when lets say, their gf cant make it and they will like ask their friends to acc them. Haha.

Oh yeha, countdown to trip: 7 days!!!!!! ARGHH.

Noon time went to play LAN yesterday. wah the place is blardy dark. i wonder how they type their way through. But it was funny cuz dawm is the only girll!!!! haha. ah lian-ish maybe? Hahaha

MQ theme is rainbow. hmm... came home aroudn midnight and started discussing MY bday party. what theme? So many things to prep. Budget has already added up to almost 1K plus. Arghh. the white tentage, the tables, the chairs, the grass covering blah blah and the food line!!

Ohh yeah. one of the ppl invited yesterday wanted a lift from me back home. and stunningly, i didnt knwo who she is. apparently she is from TK. i mean i dont remmber her at all. she is pretty and all, how come i didnt remmb her?! Hmmm well but she has no "passenger ettiquette"/ what sould u do if u see the front seat empty?/ *duh* move in front!!! Oh well. this shows she hasnt been sittign in cars that many times.

has to rush off to classes le! by the way, funningly, jeslyn sms me yest say that she is half dead from taking over my class. spoilt brats and she wanna slap all of them. my mum says she pities those kids. with us teachers wanting to slap them every moment. but they are SPOILT. really very SPOILT.

ARGHHHHH. byeee! :)